Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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