But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
