is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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