Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
