Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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