You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
