obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
