I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
