Plan B is the new Plan A
Soap is not a condiment
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
