I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
