Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize