I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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