I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
