I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
