apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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