Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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