I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
