Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize