Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
