You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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