Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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