where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
