That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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