im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
