Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
