Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
