how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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