I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
