just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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