Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
