I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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