Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
