I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
