Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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