I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I could make wine with my vomit
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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