if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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