Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
