my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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