But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
