The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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