Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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