It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
