i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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