She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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