My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
