How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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