The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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