is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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