Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Don't tell me you're on acid again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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