Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
