Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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