ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
