I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
