btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
