nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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