The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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