I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
