I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
