About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
