When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
