If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize