Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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