Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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