So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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