Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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