I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
