i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my shit smells like andre
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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