Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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