Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
