He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
