New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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