I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
