She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
