Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
