Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It was confusing and full of hummus
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
