After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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