Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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