my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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