My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Randomize
