Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
