I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
