Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
