I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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