Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My Sexting was not on an AP level
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
