Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
