it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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