I wanna passion pit in your ass
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
