Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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