I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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