how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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