How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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