having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize