the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
