hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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