he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
